The Nice Guys That Finish Last

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys who always finished last. The guy who is destined to never become more than friend, to endure hours of whining and complaining about what dimwits guys are, while disproving at precisely the right point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on, but restrict themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who have open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the right time, because they know most girls need this litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl every facet, from her personal life to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, disorientated female friends back from the parties and never take advantage when they are on her door, for the guys accompanying girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the eerie male population, for the guys, who know that a girl fishing for compliments, but give them anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules of a game where the rules favor the cheaters, for those guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow did not end up being boyfriends for all the nice guys who are overlooked, under-valued and appreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your mobile phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even if you thought her boyfriend was a Chump and a jerk, you assured her, it was all ok, and she should not worry about it. This is for then she cut off the best you ever had arranged the killing spree in GTAV to rant about a rumor that linked to her and the guy she thinks are the most disgusting person in the world. And even if you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you pause the game for two hours and helped her concoct a Counter rumor to spread around on the floor. This is also for the time, she did not have a date, so after countless promises, there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew no one, the beer was terrible, and she flirted shamelessly with you justify every fit of reckless banter by announcing to all: “Oh, but we are just friends!” And even if you were invited only as a token hot body for her ego, you went anyway. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys get credit where credit is due, not often. And perhaps more worrying, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I’ve learned from talking with friends at other schools and in the workplace is the only conclusion that I can form that many girls are just illogical, manipulative females. Many of them claim that they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a model, says the irrational, confusing things like “Oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good girlfriend but he is not for me” or “he already sets with so much from me, I could maybe ask him out!”, or the most frustrating of all : “No, it would ruin our friendship.” But they continue to lament the lack of good men in the world, and they expect their too-good-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men who are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to understand. I can not figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they are doing (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, says that nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon will not last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of trains of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding these girls, and even more tricky to find those who are single.

So, until these girls are, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re tired of hearing yourself described as ubiquitous nice. But the truth of the matter is that the world needs your patience in the Department store, your holding open doors, your party escorting services, your inclination to be a sucker for a beautiful smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things tolerate you, for all the situations where you faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my appreciation and my gratitude goes out to you. You have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is on the way.